The Role Of Romantic Play During The Beginning Of A Relationship

Let’s talk about the beginning of a relationship, when you first felt that exciting attraction for someone. There is that wonderful euphoric feeling of falling for the other person. Using play is at the heart of every courtship, regardless of the approach. It is the approach that differs from person to person and culture to culture.

It’s called Love Magic

Anthropologists who investigate so called primitive cultures described a curious type of courtship, which they called love magic. For example, the would-be suitor, who is almost always a male, might throw rocks at a girl or put oily material in her hair or perhaps smear a colored paint-like substance on her shoulder. Among the Southwestern Apache Indians, the male flashed a mirror at his intended love interest, while the African Azande tried to manipulate the dreams of his beloved women. In central India, the Baiga’s love potions were made most powerful by adding some dust from the women’s right footprint. These practices are highly ritualized and involve belief in some inchoate powers, which the rituals are able to tap, but they are also communicative acts.

When a women knows of a man’s intentions, the magic can be understood in psychological terms as hypnotic suggestion. In fact, Sigmund Freud wrote of being in love as having many similarities to a hypnotic state. One benefit over a more direct approach is that, if rejected, the suitor may be less embarrassed. The same function is served in Western industrialized cultures by plan. We often banter with each other when the intended goal is seemingly to entertain ourselves and make each other laugh. But however the approach we are using, and from whatever culture we are from, we are checking each other out: Am I interested in you, are you interested in me?

Play also helps facilitate an early attraction, for the same reason that a public speaker begins his talk with a couple of jokes it sets his audience at ease. A chance of having a direct appeal on our love interest can only come after we have set this relaxed atmosphere and put the other person at ease, just like our public speaker does with his audience above. Another advantage of the playful approach that also delivers those same feelings of love magic, is during the process of getting the attention of the person in whom you are interested. Being creative with your approach and winning over the other person one little bit at at time is, to many people, more joyous of an experience than actually falling in love.

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