Healthy Love Relationships

Many people are scared to get involved in a relationship for fear that it will not work out. And some people enter a relationship with bringing with them the negativity and fear of losing that other person, which invariably causes strife, because constantly being scared of having it all disappear tends to attract that very outcome. The trouble is though, that if you do not risk anything, you risk even more.

One very common problem between all couples that have been together during any period of time is loosing that attraction for one another. But this tends not so much to be due to physical reasons, but rather stem from other problems within the relationship. When partners do not respect and appreciate their complimentary differences they lose their electricity. In other words they are no longer turned on by each other. Without the polarity, they lose the attraction.

This loss of attraction can occur in two ways: We either suppress our true inner self in an attempt to please our partner, or we try to mold them into our own image. Either strategy, whether repressing ourselves or trying to change our partners, will sabotage the relationship.

Do some individuals actually succeed in changing their partners? Yes they do, but the needs of that individual is met for only a short period of time. It’s a very short term strategy. Ultimately there will be no passion within that relationship. For example, David says to Lynn, Don’t be so emotional, you’re getting upset over nothing. If she represses her feeling-side in order to please and accommodate David, he feels less friction with her and she wins his love. The short term result appears to be a good and harmonious relationship, but now Jane and Tom will be a few degrees less interested, excited, or attracted to each other.

As this process of gradually suppressing their true selves continues, and more degrees of passion and interest will be lost until they feel almost nothing for each other. They will be friends but experience no passion. The good news is that this process can be reversed; we can learn to find ourselves again without always having to change partners.

Every time you suppress, repress, or deny yourself in order to be loved, you are not loving yourself. You are essentially telling yourself that you are not good enough the way you are. And every time you try to change, alter, or fix your partner, you are sending him the message that he does not deserve to be loved for who he is. These are the conditions under which love dies.

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