Loneliness is one of the primary reasons that women seek out affairs and cheat on their partner. Although it sounds contradictory that they should feel lonely because the women are currently in a relationship, it is often a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling. Women involved in these unsatisfactory relationships may feel as lonely if not more so than women who are not in a relationship. If a woman is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she may be tempted to seek that attention elsewhere and become involved in an affair. A partner who becomes overly involved with his work or a hobby may not make time to spend with his partner and this often results in the women feeling as if they are all alone. This feeling of loneliness can drive a woman to cheat on her partner. One of the most prevalent reasons why women cheat is that they feel as though their current partner is not lavishing much attention on them and they feel lonely even in his presence.

Revenge has also become and increasing factor in why women cheat. The modern woman is no longer willing to sit back and accept the fact that their partner may cheat on them. If a woman confirms or even just holds a suspicion that their partner is cheating on them, they may be driven to engage in an affair of their own as an act of revenge. The theory of, An eye for an eye, has unfortunately trickled down into the realm of romantic relationships and many women see a cheating partner as a justification to have an affair of their own. They believe that they are justified in having an affair if they catch their partner cheating on them. Furthermore they may be extremely hurt by their partners actions and seek a way to hurt them in the same way. While it is not a justifiable reason, many women see revenge as an appropriate reason for cheating on their spouse.

Boredom may also factor into why women cheat. Their current relationship may have fallen into a rut and lost the excitement that it possessed in the early stages of its existence. They may feel that their relationship has become dull and predictable and rather than trying to bring excitement into their current relationship they may pursue affairs in the hopes of achieving the excitement they felt when they first became involved with their partner. While an affair may bring about a temporary solution of making the woman feel excited about love again it may ultimately destroy both their current relationship as well as their cheating relationship. An affair is exciting not only because it involves a relationship with a new person but also because it involves sneaking around and ultimately getting away with doing something wrong. To many women this is very exciting and they are willing to risk losing their relationship over their affair. Many women cheat because they are bored with the monotony of their current relationship and they seek to bring excitement back into their life through engaging in an affair.

Another reason why women cheat is a lack of self esteem. Women may feel that they are not getting an adequate amount of admiration from their partner and they may be tempted to cheat to affirm that they are still attractive and desirable. When a relationship meets a stagnant point where the partners are no longer making a conscious effort to reassure each other that they are still desirable, many women begin to feel insecure. This insecurity leads women to seek affirmation of their desirability outside of the relationship in the form of an affair. Being found desirable by another compensates for the lack of longing they feel from their partner and helps to boost their self esteem. While women with a healthy self esteem are more apt to remain happy in a relationship, those that lack self esteem are often driven to cheat on their partners.

Men are not the only ones who cheat on their partners. It is becoming more and more common for women to be guilty of cheating. While women are beginning to cheat as often as men the reasons why women cheat are much different than the reasons why men cheat. The reasons for women cheating are tied tightly to emotional reasons such as loneliness, revenge and boredom.

Technorati Tags: relationship, family counseling

Although genetics may factor into why men cheat on their partner it may also just be a week defense for a man who is caught in his unfaithful actions. A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity. This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. While this may be true it is certainly not an excuse for unfaithfulness in our age of overpopulation. It may be true that in prehistoric times, men were tasked with populating the earth this is certainly not true today and is not a defensible excuse for cheating on your partner. The truth is that in a truly loving relationship a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite any hormonal urges to produce offspring. The theory of man being predisposed to cheating does not hold water because while it may be true, there is no excuse for not being able to quell these urges.

Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity. Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy. Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat. To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else. Sure they may enjoy the physicality of the affair, but the pursuit and sneaking around is what really drives men who cheat on their partners. They see fooling their partner as a tremendous accomplishment and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush that is more important than the affair or even their current relationship. Men also cheat because they are driven by competition. If there friends are single or cheating on their partners and often have affairs with several women the man may feel that he needs to keep up with his friends. To these men affairs become a way of competing with their friends. Infidelity in men is often driven by a sense of competition.

Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost for them. The knowledge that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder for some men. They take pride in the ability to attract women and dont care about the fact that doing so may destroy their relationship. To these men the excitement of the chase is almost more important than the conquest. Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable, is enough to stroke the ego of these men. In general it is a lack of self esteem on their part that drives them to seek out affairs in order to reiterate their attractiveness and desirability.

A man who is in an undesirable relationship may also be driven to cheat on their partner. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner he may seek out an affair out of boredom. If he feels his current relationship is lacking excitement he may also be driven to cheat in the hopes that he will find the excitement he desires elsewhere. While the wise thing may be to end the deteriorating relationship in search of a new more desirable partner, many men opt to hold onto the current relationship and engage in affairs. This may be because they fear that they may not find what they are looking for and may be left lonely and without a partner so they hold onto the failing relationship figuring that a bad relationship is better than none at all.

Men cheat for a variety of reasons. While none of these reasons may be justified, they do exist. The reasons that men cheat include genetics, competition, self esteem and boredom. In general while genetics may play a small part in the urge for men to cheat the majority of cheating takes place because men cannot control their sexual and competitive urges, are lacking in self esteem or are unhappy in their current relationship.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

Often enough, couples really do think that they are communicating, but unfortunately the message isn’t getting through. The fact is that if husbands and wives can pinpoint why they are having trouble to begin with, they can greatly sharpen their communication skills.

In many other instances, communication problems stem from differences in conversational styles between men and women. Interestingly enough, these styles can be traced right back to the playground, where little girls place a premium on talking and sharing secrets in order to make friends and be close to each other, and while little boys rely on displays of athletic prowess.

From early on in life, girls are schooled in the intricacies of intimate relationships. Studies have shown that when women grow up, they still put a premium on talking and sharing. In a marriage, wives tend to be the emotional caretakers of the marriage. Since they are more in tune to their own feelings as well as the shifting tides of their relationship, they notice and bring up problems a lot more then men do.

These studies also documented that most all women yearn for their husbands to be a sounding board or to lend a sympathetic ear whenever they have a problem. They just want someone to be there for them, preferably their partners. Men on the other hand, want action. Almost every time a problem is brought up, men will interrupt a wife’s recitation of that problem and jump right into a quick-fix solution. In addition, once a man offers a solution, he expects it to be case closed, end of the problem.

As you can see, both men and women have totally different styles of communication, almost to the extreme. Given such disparate styles of communication, it’s common to hear married women complain that: My husband doesn’t care, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t listen… Husbands on the other hand feel that: After a while I have to tune my wife out because she talks everything into more problems. And this talking then produces even more arguments between us.

Technorati Tags: couples therapy, marriages, romance, relationships

While the birth of a couples first child may be a glorious and blessed event that they were both looking forward to, the arrival of a new baby may put strains on the relationship. Specifically there may be a communication break down after the babys birth. There are a number of reasons why communication breaks down after the birth of a baby. The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously included just the two partners can be stressful. While they dont begrudge the attention that their partner lavishes on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer have their partners undivided attention. As the couple learns to balance their time and ensure that both their partner and their child are receiving enough of their attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a break down in communication. Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of schedule as well as a stretch of sleep deprivation for the couple. While the couple may have previously been used to doing things as they please, they now realize that most activities must be planned around the babys schedule which is often unpredictable. This new scheduled coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents can put a great deal of pressure on the relationship. To avoid this type of communication break down it is important for the couple to realize that they need to allot time to spend with the baby and also with each other. They also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting them both and take turns getting up with the baby. These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication break down. Although a new couple loves their new baby, the challenge of adapting to the babys schedule can be one reason why communication breaks down in a relationship and it is up to the couple to ensure that their relationship does not suffer a communication break down.

A concern over financial matters is another reason why communication breaks down. Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship. If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns. While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication break down in the relationship. The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner. The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together. For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners. The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partners avoidance of a simple conversation. One way to avoid or reverse having a communication break down over finances is to share the responsibility of the finances and openly discuss concerns over financial matters. Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by financial matters and allows it to affect the relationship. Finances can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships by causing a communication break down but planning ahead and speaking openly about finances can help a couple to avoid a communication break down.

Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship. If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication. Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a break down in communication. This lack of trust or guilt often results in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they dont want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they dont want their secret to be revealed. These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful. One way to avoid a break down in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner. Whether its suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication. You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but its better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.

Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, its important to understand why communication breaks down and work to avoid a break down in communication. Having an understanding of the causes of communication break down will help you to either avoid or reverse this situation. Maintaining or restoring communication can ensure that a relationship endures and thrives.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

A person cannot have great sex unless they are true to themselves and honest with their partner. Yet still, despite great strides, one old adage always stays the same: Women need love to get in the mood for sex, while men need sex to be receptive to love. The key for women to be able to enjoy making love at all times is honesty; honesty about how they feel, when they do not want to make love, and being able to tell their husband why.

Below are four Don’ts when it comes to choosing whether or not to make love to your husband:

1. Do not consistently make love if you aren’t physically ready to. By doing so over and over again just because you feel that you must, or that it is your duty, or because time is short, can only breed resentment. This will do nothing more than erode any good feelings that you have for each other. Instead of giving in, explain to your husband that you are thrilled to know he desires you, and suggest a better time to make love, and one when you are physically in the mood.

2. Do not criticize your husband for trying something new that does not work. Men enjoy variety and it can be hard enough just to introduce something new into the love-making routine, so do not shatter his confidence by criticizing something new that you were not pleased about during sex.

3. Do not have sex when your mind is not with your husband. In other words, choose a better time to make love if you cannot get your daily problems out of your head. Are you thinking about your child’s bad grades on his report card? Did you bounce a check by accident? Did you have a bad day at the office? If these troubles are filling your mind when your hubby wants to make love, then be open with him, explain how you feel, and pick a better time. He will appreciate your honesty about how you really are feeling.

4. Do not use your fear or resentment as a tool or weapon and avoid sex. If there are problems that are bothering you that exist outside of the bedroom with your husband, then find a way to talk about it. What is really bothering you? What would you like to say to him instead of giving in to love-making when you aren’t in the mood?

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

The first step that a relationship coach will often take is to listen to a couples complaints about the relationship. While the couple may not be seeing the full problem, their understanding of the existing issues is often a good starting point for a relationship coach to begin her evaluation. It is important that in your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you bring up all of the problems you see with the relationship. While you and your partner may have already discussed these issues at length, your relationship coach needs to hear these issues so that she can be sure to make an effort to observe these issues in the next stage of the process. Being open and honest with your relationship coach about your perception of the problem is crucial to receiving a benefit from the use of a relationship coach. Trying to hide certain issues or neglecting to mention them does not give the relationship coach an accurate representation of your relationship. Furthermore it can be detrimental because if you neglect to mention a particular issue your relationship coach may be inclined to believe that you are satisfied with this aspect of your relationship and may not work to make improvements in this area. In your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you will have the opportunity to offer your take on the relationship and let the coach know what you think is working and what needs improvement.

After the initial consultation a relationship coach will often take some time to evaluate the couples relationship through observation. They may come into the couples lives on a daily basis and ask them to act normally while they observe the way that the couple interacts. This step is very important because it gives the relationship coach a chance to determine whether or not the couples self assessment of their relationship is accurate. The couple may have their own beliefs about why an aspect of their relationship is dysfunctional but through careful observation the relationship coach may determine that the source of the problem is very different from the couples perception. While a relationship coach may be able to determine the problems in a couples relationship through observation, this is only possibly if the couple makes an honest effort to act naturally during this observation period. If the couple tries to fix their own problems during this phase and does not act naturally it will be difficult for the relationship coach to form a valid opinion about the way the couple interacts.

Once a relationship coach has had the opportunity to meet with the couple and spend some time observing their interactions they will be able to design a customized plan of action for enhancing the relationship and working to improve troubled areas. The relationship coach will often offer exercises for the couple that will help them to see what they are doing wrong in the relationship and how these discrepancies can be fixed. These exercises may involve either role playing activities that address everyday situations the couple faces or tips for communicating in stressful situations when they arise. These exercises may also offer ways for the couple to learn to communicate in new ways for all situations not just those that place stress on the relationship. While the exercises prescribed by the relationship coach may sound either too complicated or too simplistic, it is important to remember that these exercises wont help your relationship unless you are willing to give them a try.
Finally it is important to realize when relationship coaching will be effective in a relationship. The general rule of thumb is that if you are considering enlisting the help of a relationship coach, then they will most likely be able to help your relationship. The simple fact that you are considering a relationship coach demonstrates that you have faith in your relationship and are willing to work to improve the relationship. If you have never heard of relationship coaches and a friend or relative suggests one and your attitude is that they wont be able to help you that that is an indication that you have already given up on the relationship and in this scenario a relationship coach will most likely not be able to help your relationship. The use of a relationship coach is most effective when at least one but preferably both of the partners are committed to doing whatever it takes to salvage the relationship.

Relationship coaches may not be for everyone or every relationship but they can be critical in enhancing a relationship in some situations. It is important to realize that relationship coaches can not solve all of your problems but they can offer you solutions for some problems and exercises for working on these problems. If you are willing to put an honest effort into solving some of the problems in your relationship then you may greatly benefit from the advice of a relationship coach.

Technorati Tags: relationships, marriage counselor

Travel can be a romantic and adventurous way for a couple to get away for the weekend and put some spark back into their relationship. Exploring new locations whether they are exotic or domestic allows a couple an opportunity to learn and discover together. If you live relatively close to another country you may have the chance to visit another country for the weekend and learn about different cultures, foods and people. If exploring a new country is not possible, do not be deterred. Exploring a new city can be just as fun. There may be many cities close by that you and your partner have either never visited or visited only briefly. Even spending a day or two in a new city can be an enlightening adventure. If you truly immerse yourself in a nearby city and take the opportunity to visit local restaurants and shops you are bound to notice that although the city may be very near in proximity to your own city, it has its own vibe about it. The culture of a city is driven by its residents so visiting a new area is often a chance for you and your partner to enjoy a new adventure together. Travel, whether it is domestic or international is a wonderful opportunity for a couple to enjoy a romantic weekend adventure.

Enjoying the outdoors is another way for a couple to share a weekend romantic adventure. Taking a backpacking trip is an excellent way for a couple to reconnect. While spending a few nights in isolation in the wilderness without distractions such as televisions and restaurants a couple really has an opportunity to talk and catch up on their relationship. All too often a couple falls into a rut of eating out and then returning home to watch television and go to bed but a backpacking trip may be just what a couple needs to put the spark back in their relationship. Backpacking allows a couple the opportunity to work together to prepare their meals using simplistic equipment and to have only each other to occupy their time is an excellent weekend romantic adventure idea. While backpacking may be a simple activity, the adventuresome and romantic aspects exist making this activity and excellent weekend getaway activity for a couple.

Doing something completely new to both of you such as a hot air balloon or glider ride can also be an excellent weekend romantic adventure idea for a couple. These activities can often be done right in your own city and give you the opportunity to view your city from a completely different perspective. From a high elevation, you have the opportunity to look down on your city and realize how truly small it is. While you may spend your days running errands and scurrying from place to place, viewing your hometown from such a high elevation gives you a new perspective on things. Additionally, these activities can induce a sense of fear which may bring you and your partner together. While the activity may be completely safe, the fear of the unknown can have the affect of drawing you and your partner closer together. A hot air balloon or glider ride is one way for a couple to enjoy a weekend romantic adventure that doesnt have to take up their entire weekend but will draw them closer together and will give them a new perspective on their approach to life.

There are many weekend romantic adventure ideas that can draw a couple closer together. The idea of this type of adventure is to find a new activity that both of you will enjoy. The excitement of engaging in a new activity coupled with the closeness that you gain from spending time together is the recipe for a successful weekend romantic adventure idea.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

What is an equal marriage? Equal marriage is not exactly the opposite of traditional marriage, but it is indeed very different. Both partners work outside of the home and expect each other to put in an equal amount of energy when it comes to the house and the children. In equal marriages all of the money is considered to be our money. Both partners have the same control over the funds, even if they have separate checking accounts. From one month to another either person may be contributing more than the other in taking care of expenses, but there is no tab being kept and nothing owed from one to another. Who pays more doesn’t make a difference, because the money is entirely our money, as stated above.

All decisions on what items to buy, how much is to be spent, and when to purchase them are all mutual decisions, with the husband and wife both holding equal power to make them. Decisions on how much debt to carry is also mutual. Both the husband and wife are free to buy all of the little things they wish, but neither would buy a larger-size item (a larger and more expensive purchase) without discussing it with each other.

Money isn’t the only thing that is considered equal. Household chores and related items are also equal. It can be divided in any way, and how it is divided may be changed over time, but whichever way the split goes, neither partner feels like they are doing more than the other. However, there are often conflicts that do come along, about who is doing more in terms of quality.

When it is time for children to come along, neither the husband or the wife automatically gets the role of primary caretaker. Since neither partner’s job is considered more important than the other’s (in most cases) then each of them is expected to change whatever is necessary with their work schedules to contribute the best way possible. However, it is not uncommon for these decisions to be hard to make. Even in a marriage that has their roles well established, it can be hard to determine who is to cut back on what, when it comes to tending to the children.

Technorati Tags: relationships, marriage counselor

Having confidence in yourself is critical to being able to make small talk. Keep in mind that the other person you are chatting with is probably just as uncomfortable as you are so dont assume that they are more eloquent speaker than you are and be afraid to approach them. Confidence is key to making small talk because without confidence, you may simply choose not to engage in small talk when the opportunity presents itself. A lack of confidence may lead you to avoid approaching others and discourage others from approaching you. If you lack the confidence necessary to make small talk you may miss out on meeting a lot of new people.

Keeping abreast of current events is another tip for making small talk. Watch the news and read newspapers on a regular basis. This will keep you informed of newsworthy local and world events. This is important because current events can be a very easy subject for small talk. Being aware of what is going on in the world will make you seem educated and will prove that you are a concerned citizen who takes an interest in important issues. Also, being aware of current events is critical to being able to make small talk because it allows you to speak intelligently on a wide variety of subjects. Keep in mind that you dont always have to be the one to start a conversation so its not enough to have a few tidbits of information prepared for small talk. You also have to be ready and able to respond to whatever subject your companion brings up in an attempt to engage you in small talk. If you keep yourself informed of a wide variety of subjects by utilizing newspapers, the Internet and news programs, you will find yourself more prepared to engage in small talk.

Listening is also a very important tip for making small talk. It is one thing to be able to strike up a conversation but it is another thing to really keep up a conversation, especially with a stranger. One way to maintain a conversation is to really listen to your companion. Listening carefully will ensure that you hear all the details that your companion offers. Use the information that you obtain to expand the conversation by asking questions about something they said earlier in the conversation or offering a personal anecdote that relates to a story they have just told you. Listening really enhances your ability to make small talk for a number of reasons. First it gives you ways to expand the conversation by asking pertinent questions or relating a story they tell to a personal experience. Listening also helps you make small talk by encouraging the other person to continue talking. If they can tell you are really interested in what they have to say because you are listening so intently, they will be encouraged to maintain the conversation instead of making an excuse to end the conversation quickly.

Finally, the key to making small talk is knowing when and how to end the conversation. Small talk isnt meant to last very long and it can become tedious and uncomfortable if it extends past a certain amount of time. Even if things are going well and both parties are enjoying the small talk, ending the conversation before it begins to wane is important. If you are uncomfortable saying goodbye or ending a conversation have a few well rehearsed exit lines to end the conversation quickly.

Small talk is an important part of our daily lives. While it can be avoided, it is really not anything to be afraid of and small talk can lead to exciting developments in your career and social life. Engaging in small talk makes you seem more approachable and if you are able to make small talk with ease, people will be more inclined to let you in on potential business deals or let you know about social events that they are aware of in the area. Never underestimate the power or small talk and never assume that you are not capable of making small talk.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

Deciding when to meet the children of the person you are dating is a crucial element of the equation. It is not necessary to meet the children on the first date. Doing so can be confusing to the children if the relationship does not progress and you are soon out of the picture. While it is important that the person you are dating disclose that they have children, meeting them is not a necessary first step. Its important that the relationship has a chance to grow before bringing the children into the equation. After all, while the children may be an important part of your partners life, you have to have some time to decide if you think this is a worthwhile relationship before deciding if you want to become a parental figure in the childrens lives. If you have been dating for awhile and things are starting to become more serious, now would be a good time to meet your partners children and get to know them as well. You dont want to rush into meeting the children too early in your relationship but you also dont want to wait too long either. Waiting until marriage plans are already under way will leave the children feeling helpless and powerless about the situation. Meeting the children of the person you are dating is an important step in your relationship and the timing of this step is also very important.

Once you have met the children involved it is important to be cognizant of their feelings. While you are in the relationship with their parent it is also crucial to build a relationship with the children as well if you plan to continue your dating relationship. This may be difficult if the children are resentful. If the biological parent is out of the picture due to death or divorce, the children may see you as trying to replace their parent and they may act angry or hurtful towards you. It is important to bond with the children while assuring them that you are not trying to replace their parent in any way. Sitting down with your partner and his or her children to discuss what type of role you will play in the lives of the children is a good idea. This gives everyone the opportunity to express their feelings and it is also an opportunity to establish boundaries regarding discipline and decision making. Children like to feel as though they have some control in the situation so allowing them to express their feelings will help your relationship with the children to grow.

After you have begun to bond with the children it is time to once again focus your attention on the dating relationship. Meeting your partners children is important as is establishing and maintaining functioning relationships with them but its critical that you not lose sight of your relationship with your partner after the children have been introduced into the relationship. At this juncture of the relationship it is crucial to balance time with your partner and the children. Its fine to continue activities with the entire family but its also important to have time alone with your partner as you did earlier in the relationship. Setting aside time just for you and your partner will ensure that the relationship continues to grow and flourish.

Dating someone with children can be complicated but following the tips provided above will help to ease the situation. Be sure to wait until the relationship has become serious before involving the children so that they do not have unrealistic expectations. Once you decide to meet the children, take things slowly and be aware of their feelings. Following their lead will ensure that you are not moving too quickly. After the children are involved, remember to put aside time for just you and your partner to continue your own relationship. These tips will help to create a loving relationship with both your partner and his or her children.

Technorati Tags: relationship, family counseling

It’s called Love Magic

Anthropologists who investigate so called primitive cultures described a curious type of courtship, which they called love magic. For example, the would-be suitor, who is almost always a male, might throw rocks at a girl or put oily material in her hair or perhaps smear a colored paint-like substance on her shoulder. Among the Southwestern Apache Indians, the male flashed a mirror at his intended love interest, while the African Azande tried to manipulate the dreams of his beloved women. In central India, the Baiga’s love potions were made most powerful by adding some dust from the women’s right footprint. These practices are highly ritualized and involve belief in some inchoate powers, which the rituals are able to tap, but they are also communicative acts.

When a women knows of a man’s intentions, the magic can be understood in psychological terms as hypnotic suggestion. In fact, Sigmund Freud wrote of being in love as having many similarities to a hypnotic state. One benefit over a more direct approach is that, if rejected, the suitor may be less embarrassed. The same function is served in Western industrialized cultures by plan. We often banter with each other when the intended goal is seemingly to entertain ourselves and make each other laugh. But however the approach we are using, and from whatever culture we are from, we are checking each other out: Am I interested in you, are you interested in me?

Play also helps facilitate an early attraction, for the same reason that a public speaker begins his talk with a couple of jokes it sets his audience at ease. A chance of having a direct appeal on our love interest can only come after we have set this relaxed atmosphere and put the other person at ease, just like our public speaker does with his audience above. Another advantage of the playful approach that also delivers those same feelings of love magic, is during the process of getting the attention of the person in whom you are interested. Being creative with your approach and winning over the other person one little bit at at time is, to many people, more joyous of an experience than actually falling in love.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

Here is when trouble sets in, because women find this attitude absolutely hard to accept. It is just plain inconsistent with their internal reality. And like all people who want to be and feel loved, women need to be reassured that she is special, that she is worthy, understandable, and of course lovable. This is no different for men. They also need to be reassured, but they get encouragement mainly through their work. Women, however, primarily need reassurance through the relationships they are in.

When a man’s work fails, he begins to doubt his worthiness. In a complimentary way, when a women is ignored by her husband, she begins to doubt her worthiness. She needs a constant supply of verbal signs, symbols, and ongoing reassurance from him that he loves and cherishes her.

If a man is in a relationship, he isn’t regarded to worry about rejection unless it actually happens. He does not consciously feel a need to be reassured because his successes in the world in which he works gives him that reassurance. And as a result, he doesn’t readily respect a women’s ongoing need to be reassured.

His focused reasoning goes something like this: Even though I am preoccupied with my career these days, my wife should already know that I love her today, tomorrow, and all of the days after that, unless I tell her differently. To a women this is just as absurd as the following comments would be to a man: Even though my husband is broke and out of work, he should now that he will be rich with money again, because he was rich at one time before the business went bankrupt or Although he came in last today, he should know he’s a winner because at one time he did win his major yearly tennis tournament.

Certainly a man’s failures challenge him to realize his worth independent of his successes, but it is equally true that as he follows his failures with increasing success, his sense of self-worth is strengthened. As his business failed he must regroup himself and try again. As he begins to succeed, his confidence becomes more solid. Through a series of setbacks, the man who is able to try again strengthens his self-esteem.

A women’s self worth is challenged when her partner withdraws. This painful experience is a time to center herself and realize her worth independent of his love. However, it is equally important that her feelings of insecurity are followed by reassurance and support from her partner.

Technorati Tags: relationship, family counseling

All forms of presents, big or small, all serve a very important romantic function. They help a women know that she is indeed special. She feels special when he treats her in a special way. Giving presents is a way of honoring a woman’s need to be reassured.

Little love notes are also an excellent and effective symbol of love to give to your wife or girlfriend. Although they are inexpensive and easy to give, love notes are reminders that simply reassure. It is not necessary to be original or even creative with your love notes. These little reminders can be written on cards that accompany a small present or flower, or they may stand alone. When giving a card, try hiding it in a place where your partner will be surprised. These reminders can also be expressed by surprise phone calls whose simply purpose is to say I love you. Stacy, a married women in her early thirties says, My husband leaves me a love note almost every day in my bag before going to work each day, and I never get tired of it. Sometimes when he makes me lunch before going to work, I open my sandwich to find another little sweet note. I love it.

Many men have the natural instincts to know how and when to give symbols of love during the beginning of the relationship. They do not need to be reminded to go the extra mile for their ladies without being asked to. Flowers are given for no reason. Chocolates are bought just because he cares. Love notes are hidden in discovered by his lady without even thinking about it. But unfortunately these things stop after a while because the men mistakenly assume that the gesture will get old or is no longer necessary.

Technorati Tags: couples therapy, marriages, romance, relationships

Love has a positive affect on a relationship because when love exists in a relationship both partners hold the happiness of the other in a high esteem and place the happiness of their partner ahead of their own desires. Love affects relationships in a myriad of ways including how the couple interacts, the leisure activities they participate in and the longevity of the relationship. In a loving relationship the couple behaves thoughtfully towards each other and is mindful of their partners feelings. In this type of relationship, each partner places themselves ahead of their partner and they strive to treat each other lovingly and with respect. Also, in a loving relationship the leisure activities that the couple participates in are based on a mutual love and respect. Activities are chosen with careful consideration to the partners feelings. In a loving relationship the partners typically engage in activities that they either either strongly agree on or those that are a compromise. While a couple in a loving relationship may not always be in complete agreement regarding leisure activities, they strive to compromise to ensure that both partners have the opportunity to engage in their preferred activities. Finally a relationship that is based on love is usually long lasting. The presence of love in the relationship enables a couple to work through any problems or difficulties that arise in the relationship and helps the relationship to endure. The thoughtfulness and caring that exists in a loving relationship helps the relationship to grown and endure.

Conversely a lustful relationship may not necessary have a negative affect on a relationship but it also may not be as positive as a loving relationship. Similarly to love, lust also affects a relationship in regard to how the couple interacts, the activities the couple participate in and the durability of the relationship. The primary difference between a lustful and a loving relationship is that while in a loving relationship the partners place a high value on the happiness of their partner, a lustful relationship is one in which the partners are consumed by their own desires. The partners in a lustful relationship place their needs and wants ahead of their partners desires. This alone is enough to make their partner feel disrespected and to not place a high value on the relationship. The fundamental selfishness that exists in a lustful relationship trickles down and affects the activities in which the couple participates. While those in a loving relationship strive to compromise and find activities that they both enjoy, those in a lustful relationship are more prone to insist on participating in activities that they enjoy regardless of whether or not their partner will also enjoy this activity. One final characteristic of a lustful relationship is that it is typically short lived. A lustful relationship is driven by passion and desire and once a goal is reached the partner becomes no longer desirable. With nothing else to drive the relationship it soon begins to wane and the couple often separates. Lustful relationships are characterized by a selfishness and lack of respect that typically results in a short and tumultuous relationship.

Complicating the issue of separating love and lust is that it is often possible for lust to exist within a loving relationship. The existence of lust within a loving relationship is often driven by a desire to become closer to the partner. This is a natural occurrence as a physical relationship is extremely important in a romantic relationship. When lust exists within a loving relationship it is not necessarily detrimental to the relationship. As long as the lust does not take over the love and become the dominant characteristic it can be a healthy part of the relationship. The opposite is not true, however. A lustful relationship can not also include love. The primary characteristic of selfishness does not enable love to factor into a lustful relationship. Placing your own desires ahead of your partners precludes the formation of a loving bond. While its not possible to have a lustful relationship with the existence of love a little bit of lust mixed into a loving relationship can lead to a closer connection and stronger bond for the couple.

Separating love from lust can be complicated but the key factors to remember is that a loving relationship is one based on selflessness and thoughtfulness while a lustful relationship is characterized by selfishness and thoughtlessness. These fundamental differences often affect whether or not a relationship will be long lasting and will endure the test of time. The separation of love from lust is further complicated by the fact that lust can exist in a loving relationship. The opposite, however, is not possible. Understand that lust can factor into a loving relationship and have a positive affect on the relationship is key to understanding the differences between love and lust.

Technorati Tags: relationship, family counseling

Money can be a tremendous source of tension and disagreements in a relationship. Many couples struggle with financial matters and this perpetual struggle leads to tension in their relationship. One way to alleviate the tensions associated with financial concerns is to make sure both partners are involved in financial matters. If both partners are away of the amount of resources available to them and their monthly expenditures, they will both have a better understanding of where they stand financially. This way if problems arise, neither partner is caught off guard in this situation. It is also important that couples share the financial decision making process especially in regards to large purchases. Sharing in making these decisions will ensure that each partner has the opportunity to voice their opinions or concerns and feels as though they are working as a team with their partner. Conversely, if one partner makes a large purchase without consulting their partner, the relationship may suffer because the partner who was not involved in the decision begins to feel left out and hurt. When a couple shares the financial responsibilities there is less likely to be problems that arise as a result of finances then there are when one of the partners takes sole responsibility for the finances.

Sex can also be a source of trouble in a relationship. Too much sex, not enough sex and sex that is too routine are common complaints in a relationship. Some of these battles may be avoided by scheduling sexual encounters on a regular basis. While it may sound unromantic to do this, the truth is that with work, children and other responsibilities sometimes there just isnt time for sex unless it is scheduled ahead of time. Scheduling will ensure that the couple engages in physical contact every so often instead of letting this aspect of their relationship take a back seat to other obligations. Boring or routine sex is another common complaint in a relationship. You can keep things interesting by varying your routine every once in awhile and trying new things. You can also avoid problems related to sex in your relationship by discussing your likes and dislikes with your partner and encouraging your partner to be open with you about their likes and dislikes as well. Sex is a healthy and necessary part of a relationship but it can also be a source of conflict in the relationship.

Children are a blessing in a relationship but they can also be a source of many battles in the relationship. The most important issue with children is whether or not a couple is both interested in having children. If only one of the partners desires to have children then introducing children into the relationship can be a recipe for disaster. If you are not both committed to having and raising children then it is best to put off having children until you are both ready to be parents. If children are already a part of the relationship, they can still cause problems. Arguments over disciplinary tactics are very common. The couple may not agree on how to discipline their child and this disagreement can not only be detrimental to the relationship but can also be confusing for the child. To avoid battles over children make sure you and your partner are committed to having children before attempting to conceive and discuss disciplinary tactics and come to an agreement that you will both abide by in dealing with the children.

Money, sex and children are the subjects that couples argue about most often. These volatile subjects can also be a source of great joy when managed correctly but until the couple learns how to do this, they will continue to be explosive issues. The keys to dealing with these issues without starting battles is to tread lightly and not force your opinions, discuss the issues before they arrive and try to make the best of the existing situations without constant complaints.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

Communication is one of the factors in the relationship matrix. Style of communication can vary from speaking based on emotion and without much thought to your words to speaking based on logic and putting much thought into what you plan to say before you begin speaking. On one hand the speaker who relies on emotion, often speaks from their heart and their words usually reflect their feelings at the moment they are speaking. On the other hand there is a speaker who relies on logic and often spends much time calculating their words before they speak. This speaker rarely reflects their emotions in their words and instead relies on facts to support their argument. While neither style of speaking is right or wrong, conflict may arise in a relationship if the partners are on opposite ends of the spectrum. These problems may arise if the partner who speaks on emotion is frustrated with the lack of emotion and slow speech of the logical speaker and the logical speaker is in turn frustrated by the lack of restraint shown by their partner. The partners can help to manage this part of the relationship matrix by trying to meet somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. The emotional speaker may agree to take some time to step away from their emotions for a few minutes before speaking and the logical speaker may agree to try to speak more freely and without so much restraint in the future.

Interests and hobbies is another aspect of the relationship matrix that can either doom or enhance a relationship. Sharing common interests can be beneficial to a relationship because it fosters closeness and a bond between the partners. They are able to enjoy a common interest or hobby and doing so brings them closer together. If a couple has no common hobbies, this can be detrimental to the relationship because the members of the couple may feel as though their partner is not taking an interest in their activities. While this may sound simple enough, it is important to realize that balancing out this aspect of the relationship matrix is very important. Having too many interests in common can result in one or both of the partners feeling as if they are being smothered while showing no interest in your partners activities indicates a lack of caring.

Financial and career aspirations are a tricky part of the relationship matrix that can be a source of much strife in a relationship. There are two extremes for approaching finances and career. On one extreme there is the logical and conservative partner while on the other extreme is the emotional and liberal partner. These two extremes can be a recipe for disaster so it is necessary for this couple to find a sense of balance. While one partner may be a risk taker in terms of their finances and career the other prefers a more conservative route. Such extremes often result in the partners becoming frustrated with each other. This frustration stems from the partners both being uncomfortable with the others approach. For example the more liberal partner may be upset that the more conservative partner sticks with an unfulfilling job just because the pay is good while the conservative partner may be frustrated that the liberal partner works at a low pay job just because it is enjoyable. In order to resolve any issues and avoid future conflict, it helps if the partners can come to an agreement that is more to in the middle of the road. Reaching a compromise that is moderate instead of conservative or liberal will ensure that the financial aspect of the relationship matrix is balanced.

The key to managing the relationship matrix is balance. Finding a compromise in regards to crucial issues of the matrix such as communication, interests and finances will result in a much happier and healthier relationship. While complete agreement is not critical to the survival of the relationship, a willingness to make compromises and understand your partners positions on the matrix is critical.

Technorati Tags: marriage, romance, couples

The above comments are heard by women every day when they go see their marriage counselor for help. They talk about their intense loneliness with their mates, particularly while making love in the bedroom. The most commonly used description is that they feel like they are making love to a silent partner. They say that, the second he gets into bed, it’s like he has lost all interest and is just going through the motions. One women who has been married for just two years complained that, He doesn’t say a single word the entire time until we are finished and then when he does talk it is something like ‘That was great honey, good night.’ And I feel like saying back to him, ‘Great for you, but lonely for me, all I feel is emptiness.’

When we are describing the silent partner, it must also be noted that he is not just uncommunicative, but he will frequently close his eyes during sex as well as his mouth as soon as the lovemaking begins. If he kisses his partner at all, it is once at the beginning and once at the end before his parting words.My husband is so very self absorbed, besides his body I don’t feel like anything else is really there, one women explained.

Men have to understand that their wives not only feel lonely inside when experiencing their lover as the silent partner, they also feel used. They feel as if they are merely being treated as sexual objects, and not as the object of their husband’s affection, due to emotional neglect. One women stated that It’s not even like my husband is making love to a real person, let alone his wife, and I feel like a used blow-up doll. Another lonely victim of her silent partner, her husband, said, If he really loved me, he’d be there with me. If he really did care, then he would want to kiss me and talk to me.

Technorati Tags: couples therapy, marriages, romance, relationships

1. I have so much more to do around the house and outside of the house than my partner does. There is nothing worse than competing with your special other when it comes to a marriage. When you compare who does more, who is more tired, who makes more money, etc. then all you are doing is exhausting the relationship. A marriage is not meant to be a marathon. Both of you deserve and need a break, so why not work together on finding ways to support each other?

2. When I am angry with my partner, I make sure to tell them so, immediately. Words are perceived more on how it is said, rather than what is said. We teach our children to count to ten before saying something if they are angry, so it is worth practicing your thoughts in the same manner. Ask yourself this question: Is this really that big of a deal to me, enough to make me say something upsetting to my partner? It is human nature to respond back our anxiety in response to feeling stressed, but that anxiety is generally over something too minuscule to really matter once we really think about it. Almost all of the time, it isn’t even worth bickering about. Instead of getting bent out of shape over something, try to put life’s little bumps into perspective by thinking first before you speak.

3. I just can’t help getting angry, that’s just who I am. There is a fine line between being an individual who stands up for their personality, and making excuses for poor social skills, especially when you are in a relationship. Just because you have always reacted in a certain way, being it with anger, does not mean that you are doomed forever to be that same person. Do not be a cop-out with working on your self improvement. It will not be easy, and it takes practice, but just because you were always the same in certain areas of your life it doesn’t mean that you cannot change. This involves taking responsibility for your actions and not blaming on how you were raised, or how you have always been, etc. Follow that responsibility up with change.

Technorati Tags: couples therapy, marriages, romance, relationships

If relationships that go down the tubes due to money stress are like yours, then take the time to sit together with bank statements, pencil, paper, calculator and draw up a workable budget that you can stick to. You may have to spend a few weeks jotting down what you each spend during the day so you can see where every penny goes. Most of us are aware of the beg expenses, but it’s the smaller ones (dry cleaning, drugstore items, food) that slip by but add up. Write down your fixed costs: rent, mortgage payments, child-care expenses, insurance. Then include costs that are more flexible: entertainment, clothing, food, and so on. What can you cut out or cut back?

If you have made a realistic budget, you should be able to put aside money for savings every month as well as have money for emergencies. Determine who is going to handle which payments and be sure to put some money into a personal spending account for each of you so you aren’t obligated to consult each other on every minor expense. However, always discuss significant purchases or investments. Revise your budget and investment plans if your family or job situation changes.

When discussing money, try to be business-like, not emotional. Avoid blaming and labeling calling your spouse a tightwad or saying he spends money like a drunken sailor, for instance, is not conducive to cooperation.

Most important, no matter how tight money is, reserve a small amount for pleasure. Even if you go out once a week to a movie or for pizza, just the two of you, you’ll feel better about your relationship in general if you indulge yourselves once and a while.

Technorati Tags: relationships, marriage counselor

For example, I know of a couple who has been married for over twenty years and their sex life is still as hot and passionate as it ever was. They would make out in their driveway and admitted that a part of the thrill for them was the effect that it had on the neighbors. Occasionally we’ll see the lady next door peering out at us from behind the curtains, the husband said, and we’ll duck down behind the seat and giggle away and go at it some more. We’re positive that she is jealous of us.

Basic to all naughtiness in sex is the element of thumbing our nose at the rest of the world. Breaking rules, after all, is a social act: We cannot be bad or dirty unless there is a society out there to disapprove… and to threaten to catch us at it. For many of us, the naughtiest and most thrilling sex there is, is sex which flirts with public discovery.

But let’s get one thing straight, we are not recommending exhibitionism to anybody. Amongst other things, public nudity and public sex are both against the law. But what we do recommend to those who, like Woody Allen, think that sex is dirty only when it is good is that they experiment with sex which treads close to the edge of public view. We will still be doing it alone and no one needs to be harmed or scandalized. Yet we will recapture some of the thrill of breaking the rules.

For some of us, the very idea of going public fills our mind with anxiety. There are those of us who still are not comfortable with even the tamest of public affection; who cannot even stop and kiss at the corner without being overcome by embarrassment and guilt. That is called shame, and it is unfortunate that there are so many men and women who experience shame as a result of affection, regardless if it is public or not. A public kiss has a tingle all of it’s own; a very sexy tingle. It’s a great place to start if you would like to start adding excitement to your marriage.

Technorati Tags: relationships, marriage counselor

One very common problem between all couples that have been together during any period of time is loosing that attraction for one another. But this tends not so much to be due to physical reasons, but rather stem from other problems within the relationship. When partners do not respect and appreciate their complimentary differences they lose their electricity. In other words they are no longer turned on by each other. Without the polarity, they lose the attraction.

This loss of attraction can occur in two ways: We either suppress our true inner self in an attempt to please our partner, or we try to mold them into our own image. Either strategy, whether repressing ourselves or trying to change our partners, will sabotage the relationship.

Do some individuals actually succeed in changing their partners? Yes they do, but the needs of that individual is met for only a short period of time. It’s a very short term strategy. Ultimately there will be no passion within that relationship. For example, David says to Lynn, Don’t be so emotional, you’re getting upset over nothing. If she represses her feeling-side in order to please and accommodate David, he feels less friction with her and she wins his love. The short term result appears to be a good and harmonious relationship, but now Jane and Tom will be a few degrees less interested, excited, or attracted to each other.

As this process of gradually suppressing their true selves continues, and more degrees of passion and interest will be lost until they feel almost nothing for each other. They will be friends but experience no passion. The good news is that this process can be reversed; we can learn to find ourselves again without always having to change partners.

Every time you suppress, repress, or deny yourself in order to be loved, you are not loving yourself. You are essentially telling yourself that you are not good enough the way you are. And every time you try to change, alter, or fix your partner, you are sending him the message that he does not deserve to be loved for who he is. These are the conditions under which love dies.

Technorati Tags: marriage, romance, couples

A firm and determined tone in your voice is the first step to being able to really say no and mean it. If you allow your tone to be light the person making the request of you will probably sense that your refusal is not firm. If your voice does not sound definitive, the other person may make the assumption that your answer is not definitive either and will take another opportunity to repeat their request either immediately or at another time. A firm voice however, makes it clear that you are not interested in answering yes to this request and that future attempts to get you to acquiesce will be futile. The tone of voice you use is important when saying no because it conveys the message that you really mean no.

It is also important to not offer apology when you say no. Doing so may lead to the person making the request believing that you dont really mean no. While it is acceptable to say that you are sorry you wont be able to help out, offering you apology simply for saying no is not appropriate. If you apologize for your answer, the person making the request will sense that you can be convinced to change your answer. Apologizing for a refusal conveys a sense of guilt and many people will prey on that vulnerability to get you to change your mind.

Another way to convey the message when you say no is to offer valid reasons for your refusal. This is extremely effective because it lets the person no that your refusal is not based on whim and that you truly have a legitimate reason for not being able to offer your assistance. You may be too busy to help or have other previous commitments and it is acceptable to offer these excuses to justify your refusal. If the person making the request understands that you would like to help them but that its simply not possibly, they will be less likely to repeat their request. Offering valid excuses for answering no to a request proves that you really mean no and that future attempts to get you to agree are not reasonable.

Saying no to a request initially sometimes is not enough to prove that you really mean no. While you may answer firmly and without apology and offer valid excuses for your refusal, there are some persistent people who may continue to repeat their request in the hopes of receiving a positive answer. In this scenario it is imperative that you be consistent and answer no every time the request is made. In doing this you will affirm that your answer is no. A lack of consistency may result in the other person realizing that you can be worn down over time and that if they continue to repeat their request they will eventually get the answer they are seeking from you.

Saying no can be incredibly difficult but really meaning no and being firm in your answer can be even harder. In order to be able to say no and really mean it you have to ensure that your tone of voice is firm and that your answer does not offer apologies. You also have to be sure that you offer valid reasons for your answer and that your answer remains consistent no matter how many times the request is made. All of this can be difficult especially if you are truly interested in helping others but you also need to realize that you have a right to say no for any reason and that your answer should be respected.

Technorati Tags: marriage, romance, couples

How close a person stands to you can be one of the most important body language clues to whether someone is interested in you romantically or not. Their proximity to you can be directly proportional to their romantic interest in you. In other words the closer they stand to you the more interested they are in you romantically and the farther they stand away from you the less interested they are in pursuing a romance with you. In general the two foot rule applies. This means that if a person does not get closer than two feet to you, they arent interested in a romance with you. This distance is significant because a length of two feet is approximately an arms length and standing this far from you makes the other person feel safe that you will not reach out and physically touch them. This subtle use of body language to avoid closeness with you is a clear sign of a lack of romantic interest. Conversely, if the person stands closer to you and within arms reach they are not apprehensive about being touched by you and are sending you a signal that they are interested in you. The intimacy of standing close to someone is a clear body language indication that you have a romantic interest in that person.

Another body language clue that someone is interested in you is that they begin to copy your own body language. This often happens subconsciously but if you notice someone mimicking your behaviors it is a clear sign that they are interested in you. This mimicking behavior can begin almost immediately and is very easy to read or pick up on. If you notice this behavior, you may initially feel upset as though the other person is mocking you by copying you but this is not the case. In fact the behavior should be flattering because it is an indication that the other person admires you and is trying to become more like you in subtle ways. More often than not the other person isnt even aware of what they are doing but there is a natural instinct to try to imitate those that we admire to draw ourselves closer to them. Mimicking is pretty easy to notice and it is also a clear body language indication of romantic interest.

Body positioning can also be a form of body language that can either convey romantic interest or disinterest. When speaking to someone, if their body and particularly their torso is turned towards you and leaning closer to you this is an indication of romantic interest. This body positioning leaves you unguarded and vulnerable which indicates trust in the other person. If this trust were not in existence you would not put yourself in such a vulnerable position and would be more likely to stand with your body turned slightly away from the other person and leaning away from them. Standing in a way that positions your body in an open position towards another person is a clear example of body language that expresses a romantic interest.

Your eyes often send body language messages to those around you letting them know whether or not you are interested in them. When you have a romantic interest in someone you make eye contact and also blink often. Both of these signals let the other person know that you are attracted to them by conveying the message that you are interested in what they have to say. Avoiding eye contact lets a person know that you are not comfortable with them and that you do not have a romantic interest in them. If you are uncomfortable looking someone directly in the eye and avoid eye contact, you are trying to send the message that you are not interested in further contact with them. Its often said that the eyes are the windows to the soul and this may be true as your eyes can certainly send quite a message.

Although body language is often subtle and subconscious it can also send a clear message regarding romantic interest. Perhaps the fact that body language is subconscious is what also makes it such an accurate indication or romantic language. Since body language is done without thought it allows the person to send messages that they would be uncomfortable conveying verbally.

Technorati Tags: marriage counselor, relationship coach, relationships

When complimenting someone its important to keep your compliment simple and specific. A compliment that is too over the top sounds forced and does not seem sincere. Instead of gushing about the recipient of the compliment offer a simple compliment on a specific achievement. The simplicity of the compliment will sound more genuine than if you had gone into great detail in your compliment. Also offering a compliment on a specific achievement instead of making a generalization shows that your compliment is sincere because you realize the importance of the achievement. Offering a sincere compliment doesnt have to be difficult, just keep your words simple and focus on the reason you are giving the compliment.

Offering your compliment in a timely manner is also important to sounding sincere. A compliment is most likely to be perceived as being genuine if it is offered relatively soon after the achievement is attained. For example it would be appropriate to offer a college a compliment on a job well done on a project within a day or two of completion of the project because you see them on a daily basis while not offering the compliment almost immediately may result in it being perceived as insincere. However if you hear that a former co-worker has just received a promotion it is appropriate to wait until the next time you see them to offer your compliment or you may send them an email within a week or two of hearing the news. In the first example your daily contact with the other person warrants a compliment be given quickly while in the second example your distance allows you to wait a little longer before offering a compliment without the compliment seeming forced or out of place.

Sincere compliments are spoken from the heart and are not premeditated. A true compliment is spoken freely and without much thought while rehearsing and planning a compliment appears obligatory and insincere. While thinking before you speak is generally a good idea, putting too much thought into a compliment can have the effect of not seeming genuine. When offering a compliment let your emotions speak instead of calculating your words and your compliment will seem sincere.

Additionally a sincere compliment is also either given in writing or offered in front of others. Doing this places additional validity on the compliment. A compliment offered in writing or in the presence of witnesses conveys sincerity by virtue of the fact that the person offering the compliment is willing to allow proof of the compliment. Compliments given verbally with no witnesses may in fact be sincere but offering the compliments in front of others is more effective if you want to appear sincere.

Finally the most important and also most obvious way to give a compliment and sound sincere is to truly believe in the compliment you are giving. If you are genuinely impressed with a person or their actions and offer an honest compliment, your sincerity will shine through and the other person will be duly impressed and flattered by your compliment. It may sound overly simple but resist the temptation to give a compliment that you dont really mean. Compliments are also given for reasons other than sincerity such as personal gain and these compliments are rarely seen as sincere. However, when a compliment is given simply because there is a feeling of admiration for the person receiving the compliment, the sincerity is obvious.

The art of giving a sincere compliment involves a number of factors. Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that a sincere compliment stems from a genuine feeling of admiration. Also offering a compliment without thoughts of personal gain is also imperative to giving a sincere compliment. While these two factors ensure that your compliment is sincere the next few factors ensure that your compliment is received as being sincere. Speaking from your heart and not rehearsing a compliment and offering your compliment in a timely manner and preferably in front of others create the appearance of a sincere compliment.

Technorati Tags: couples therapy, marriages, romance, relationships

These kind of people are everywhere, and they believe that their partner will somehow magically know how they feel. For example, a wife may assume that, just because her husband loves and cherishes her, that he’ll automatically know she is bothered by something, and expects him to approach her about it. That is just too much to expect from any one person. Is it possible that this is happening in your marriage or longstanding relationship? Perhaps you are not explaining your needs and expressing your thoughts as clearly as you think you are.

To help aid this potential problem, use the short checklist below to help focus your feelings and to specify exactly what you would like to change instead of being critical or complaining about something.

Whenever an argument or disagreement surfaces, ask yourself the following questions. Doing so will help you clarify your own needs so you can lesson or further avoid problems altogether:

1. What exactly is it that I am thinking and feeling right now?

2. What is it that I want my partner to know right now, in this very moment, that he or she may not realize?

3. Am I assuming that my partner knows something that I have not explained to them? What is it?

4. Am I acting in an immature or childish way that I thought I had outgrown? Does my tone of voice or my actions say something that I may not be saying directly? Could my partner be totally misinterpreting what I really mean?

Technorati Tags: marriage, romance, couples

You may have been wronged in a situation and your feelings of anger may be completely justified but its important to truly understand your feelings in order to forgive and forget. It is imperative that you realize that the actions of the other person may have hurt you or made you angry but that reacting in a hostile manner as a result of these feelings is not beneficial to your relationship. While your feelings of hurt of anger may be justified, taking the time to work through these emotions before offering forgiveness will help you to forget your partners words or actions. If you rush to offer forgiveness before you have had the opportunity to vent your own frustrations it will be difficult for you to forget your partners wrongdoing. You also need to understand the feelings of the person who offended you. It is also important to speak to your partner about why they committed the offense against you. It is not fair to them to make assumptions about why they acted the way they did. Giving them the chance to express their side of the situation will give you a better understand of why they acted the way they did. You may learn that everything was a misunderstanding or that you were not hurt intentionally. Allowing the other person a chance to offer their take on the situation will enable you to see their motives. Understanding your own emotions as well as your partners will help you to really forgive and forget.

Dealing with your own emotions in a calm and rational manner is also crucial to forgiving and forgetting. Yo